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Read This If You Think “I Don’t Deserve to be Happy”

  • Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness
  • January 29, 2023
  • Psychology of Happiness
  • 5 Min Read

Some people believe that they don’t deserve to be happy, but this isn’t true. Happiness is amoral. You can’t deserve, win, or earn happiness. It doesn’t require us to: 

  • Be someone especial,
  • Have certain attributes (age, gender, income, etc), and/or
  • Never have committed certain mistakes in the past.

Instead, we can be happy regardless of: 

  • Who we are,
  • Where we are from, and
  • What are our life circumstances

Certainly, our past does not (should not) define whether we can be happy. 

What I’m trying to say is that you can, you should, and certainly you deserve to be happy, and by the end of this article, I will show you how you can do exactly that.

This article contains: hide
1. Why You May Believe That You Don’t Deserve to be Happy
2. How I Didn’t Deserve to Be Happy, But Now I Deserve It
3. Lesson 1: Forgive Yourself
4. How To Be Happy?

Why You May Believe That You Don’t Deserve to be Happy

If you think “I don’t deserve to be happy,” know that you aren’t the only one who thinks this way. In fact, why do you think I wrote this article using these exact words?

The real reason for why you may think “I don’t deserve to be happy” is because society told us that only certain people deserve happiness, while others don’t deserve it.

For example, the media repeatedly is telling us that happiness is around the corner, and in order for us to be happy we need to buy certain products, their products. However, did you ever notice that no matter how much we spend on “trying to buy happiness” we never quite seem to have enough to be happy?

Maybe it has something to do with the media telling us that we need to be rich, powerful, young, pretty, smart, and special in countless other ways, which is impossible and even if it is possible, it is very hard to hold on to in a sustainable way.

And the final message we hear from the media is that if you aren’t able to be all that and more, then this is why you are unhappy, it is your own fault, and you don’t deserve to be happy.

How I Didn’t Deserve to Be Happy, But Now I Deserve It

Personally, I committed my own share of mistakes, and yes I kicked myself over them on multiple occasions. However, ultimately I realized that my mistakes aren’t who I am. If anything else, these mistakes helped me to become a better person.

Yes, in an ideal world I shouldn’t have committed these mistakes. Yet, they showed me where I was weak and where I needed to take control of my life. In a way, I can’t take back my past, so I am continuously atoning for my mistakes the best way I know how, while at the same time, I’m still living my best life. I am happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not delusional, perfect, or otherwise a saint. I know:

  • I am imperfect,
  • You are also imperfect, and
  • So is everyone else.

Again, we don’t need to be perfect to be happy.

Happiness today and forever is possible, because happiness is an emotion we feel, which comes from our mind, and we feel in your body. Certainly, it is something you can learn, almost like a new program you can install inside your mind.

It is not something circumstantial and it isn’t something you can win or earn. You can, however, learn how to be happy, today and forever, regardless of:

  • Who you are,
  • Where you are from, and
  • What are your life circumstances

I know this because I already helped hundreds of people to achieve what I call Optimal Happiness. I learned to be optimally happy and you can learn how to be happy, too.

Lesson 1: Forgive Yourself

So here is the first lesson in stopping to believe that “I don’t deserve to be happy” and it is to forgive yourself. We need to do so because:

  • the past is gone,
  • the present is now, and
  • the future is still to come

And there is absolutely no need to hold on to something that is making our lives worse off.

After all, we aren’t losing a part of ourselves or losing some valuable life lesson once we forgive ourselves. If anything, we become a more productive human being and we aren’t slowed down by ongoing sources of negativity that prevent us from making the next necessary steps in the right direction.

In this regards, Brian Tracy, personal development coach who was famous in the 80s, tells that we should forgive 3 types of people:

  1. Our parents
  2. Ourself 
  3. Everyone else

We need to forgive our parents, because they were not perfect, as much as you and I, we aren’t perfect, so how can we expect anything more from them?

We need to forgive ourselves, because, for many reasons, the world is a messed up place, and we are just in the middle of this mess trying to make the best out of it.

Lastly, we need to forgive everyone else because ultimately everyone else is just like us, trying to make the best out of their own situation, and there is no other way to heal besides stopping to blame others, forgive them, and start taking responsibility for our own happiness.

How To Be Happy?

There are many more lessons you can learn to go from “I don’t deserve to be happy,” to actually being happy. Trust me, you can be happy and you can be happy today and even forever. I know this because I specialize in teaching people this skill on a daily basis.

And even if the ultimate and unconditional happiness isn’t for you, you already made a few steps in the right direction. Today you learned that:

  • Happiness is amoral – it has nothing to do with who you are, where you are from, what your life circumstances;
  • Your unhappiness isn’t your fault;
  • You saw my example of how I thought “I don’t deserve to be happy” and now I consider myself one of the happiest people alive;
  • You forgave yourself and others.

Ultimately, if you want to continue with this positive transformation, you can contact us and we will do the rest. We will help you to transform your life, making it into a wonderful adventure. The only thing you need to say is “yes” to happiness.

Picture of Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness

Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness

Roman Russo wasn't always happy and struggled with his own negative emotions, anxieties, and depression, until one day he pledged to resolve this part of life, whatever it took. The journey took 6 years, but it was worth it. Today, Roman considers himself to be one of the happiest people alive, part of the 1% of the happiest elite, and he now teaches others a working and universal happiness formula to reach a similar goal. He offers his best advice on Optimal Happiness social media, newsletter, blog, and books, and teaches a complete and unconditional happiness formula in his online courses.

6 thoughts on “Read This If You Think “I Don’t Deserve to be Happy””

  1. Marcela_healtruelove
    07/08/2025 at 02:38

    self forgiveness and as often as needed is indeed important :)

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    Reply
    1. Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness
      06/10/2025 at 11:38

      Thank you for your comment, Marcela. Your words strike deep, as I’ve been thinking a lot about this exact point. Self-forgiveness is indeed important, but why do we have to self-forgive in the first place? Yes, we often feel like we are at fault and that we need healing before we can move on. However, my thesis is that it’s not our fault—and, respectively, we don’t need healing.

      After all, healing is a huge, multi-million-dollar industry, and people are suffering a lot. But the issue is more structural than personal. Our suffering is a direct result of how our society is built and how we find ourselves living in this broken society in the first place. Yes, I’m talking about behaviorism, and there is too much to say about how exactly this broken society manifests and affects our lives (I’m writing about it in my next book).

      Still, what’s important to say is this: We are perfect, and we can be happy, regardless of who we are, where we are from, or what our life circumstances are. I know it’s all too subjective, but I’ll try to make it more concrete in my subsequent writing.

      Thank you for reading this far!

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      Reply
  2. Buffet o' Blog
    03/10/2025 at 15:39

    I like the post — some good advice there. However, you might want to change the times it says “Happiness is immoral.” Perhaps you mean “amoral”, that it’s not right or wrong. I’m not trying to be picky here, but immoral has quite a different meaning…

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    Reply
    1. Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness
      06/10/2025 at 11:25

      Thank you. I’m not a native speaker, so much appreciated this point! Already changed. And thank you for reading!

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      Reply
  3. korybrinza
    08/10/2025 at 17:30

    Roman, thanks for sharing I saw you like a couple of my posts and I’m very grateful for your support. Are you a believer in God, also great post here I’m amazed from what I’ve read to find this perspective I have seen my whole life written down on paper. Grateful for your words man. Blessings.

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    Reply
    1. Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness
      09/10/2025 at 08:41

      Hey, I’d be happy to do it! I’ve written several blog posts about God—here are a few of my favorites:

      https://optimalhappiness.com/gods-plan-happiness/
      https://optimalhappiness.com/enlightenment-happiness/
      https://optimalhappiness.com/spiritual-utopia/

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optimal happiness, OH-new-book-cover

“The problem is that of optimization,” states Roman Russo, author of Optimal Happiness: The Fastest & Surest Way To Reach Your Happiest Potential. There is plenty of advice on how to be happier or less sad, but no one is speaking about how to become the happiest we can be. And this is the difference that makes all the difference. By not looking at our maximum potential for happiness, we fall short of achieving it. After all, we all have hundreds of ideas on how to be happier or less sad, but most people still feel like they are not living their best lives. As such, Optimal Happiness explores the question of how to be the happiest we can be, regardless of who we are, where we are from, and what our life circumstances are. It proposes a complete and unconditional formula for happiness and explains how you too can become happy today and forever, inviting you to join the 1% happiness elite and become one of the happiest people alive.

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