I have imposter syndrome, which is why I decided to write about it so I can once and for all deal with it, as this blog post can be seen as an entry into my happiness journal, as this whole blog is my personal meditation on happiness and the maximization of well-being.
Specifically, recently, I realized that I was experiencing imposter syndrome while attending different events and social gatherings. I had this subtle, but at the same time pronounced feeling of questioning myself on whether I truly deserved to be there. I felt a constant nagging sense of insecurity and low self-esteem, worrying that I wouldn’t be accepted or liked. I feared that I would be discovered as a fraud, as people would accuse me of being an impostor, questioning how dare I pretend to belong to a group of individuals who actually deserved to be there.
In turn, I would be publicly and harshly kicked out from these events, and everyone would know about this incident, even people who weren’t present. It would be like a stain on my honor from which I may never recover, or at least with unnecessary difficulty and problems. It would be a shame that I would have to carry around publicly for the rest of my days, as people could see through my carefully built facade and state that I don’t really belong here or anywhere, and my success is built on many lies for which I now have to atone.
Debilitating Effects of Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is more than just an insecurity and low self-esteem that I quietly carry around with me. It is a self-debilitating negative thinking pattern that prevents me from being fully present in whatever I’m doing. I constantly feel like I’m being judged and am unable to express myself fully, fearing social backlash and judgment.
I catch myself saying things like, “If everything goes well and I don’t do anything stupid, I will be here next year.” While this may seem like an innocent and humorous observation, it reflects the negative tendencies of my mind, as a person with high self-esteem would never make such statements.
However, imposter syndrome is also unnecessary and untrue, as who actually sets these social standards, and why should things happen in this unrealistic way? While things can happen like this, it’s more likely that they won’t, and even if something does happen, it will be less strong and debilitating, with many possible prevention measures that can be put into place to prevent these types of events from happening in the first place or to reduce their effects.
Happiness Despite Imposter Syndrome
This being said, interestingly, as a happiness coach, I can admit that I have occasional insecurities, akin to imposter syndrome, as I continue to feel extremely happy, being one of the happiest people in the world, without having the whole house in order, so to say.
After all, technically speaking, we can’t have everything perfect in our lives anyway, and it is inadvisable to even aim for this, as our expectations shape our reality, and the more we aim for a completely perfect life, the more disappointed we will become, as it is difficult and unrealistic to do everything perfectly, which in turn leads to disappointment and unhappiness.
On a side note, this is also one reason why many smart, successful, and wealthy people are still unhappy, simply because they are never satisfied with what they have, perpetually pushing the bar of what success and happiness should look like further and further, which keeps them perpetually unhappy.
The solution is, of course, to become satisfied with how much we have and therefore who we are, regardless of how much or little it truly is. This automatically puts the bar of how much we need at the level of how much we have, making happiness automatic, current, and permanent, a true and unconditional happiness indeed. Moreover, living in our modern society, most people already have more than enough to be happy; they just don’t realize it because of the perpetual desire to want more.
Still, happiness comes from a balance between different parts of life, so as long as the house is sufficiently in order, we can assume happiness, aim to keep peeling the onion, which is our mind, digging further and further into details that we are working towards.
Origins of Imposter Syndrome
In my opinion, one problem with imposter syndrome is that there are too many rules. Simply, we feel like we are walking on eggshells, afraid of making mistakes because we can’t keep up with unrealistic expectations, countless social norms, and the pressure to be perfect in so many different areas, which is quite impossible to achieve.
Secondly, due to too many rules and our constant fear of failure (or worse), we are constantly lying to ourselves and others, creating a society full of white lies, people wearing metaphorical masks, and fragile egos that can never handle genuine feedback. This results in the social mess we call society today (more about this in my different blog post called Radical Honesty: A Path to Mental Health & Happiness).
Moreover, the more people achieve, the more likely they are to experience imposter syndrome, as social expectations may lead us to question whether we deserve our accomplishments. This point will be addressed separately.
Success & Impostor Syndrome
Many successful people often admit to feeling like they aren’t smart, qualified, or deserving enough of their achievements. They believe their success is incorrectly attributed and fear that it is only a matter of time before they are revealed as the frauds they believe themselves to be. Does this feeling sound familiar? This is imposter syndrome at its finest, and it is present in many people today, even if they don’t realize they have it.
As such, many people say they experience imposter syndrome when they are successful, but it also shows up before their success. In many ways, fear of success can prevent people from achieving success, just as fear of failure does. People may self-sabotage their success because they are afraid of what their life will become if they are successful, as success often represents an unexplored area of life, causing people to be afraid to take steps in the right direction even if they know for certain that taking a certain action will lead to desired results. After making an easy but frightening step forward, they may realize how silly it was to be afraid in the first place.
Solution to Success and Imposter Syndrome
The quotes “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain” and “never meet your heroes” tells me that at times we must push ourselves forward despite our doubts and insecurities, towards the possibility of achieving success or failure.
Given that we only live once, it’s better to try and fail rather than never attempt something and live with constant regret and doubt, wondering what could have happened if we tried. After all, there is an actual opportunity to succeed in a spectacular way or “to die trying.”
In this way, the search for success should push us forward out of our comfort zone, which is also a zone of growth, as it is from failure that we learn to succeed, and every self-help book will tell you these exact words.
So what if you feel insecure, vulnerable, and like a fraud? This means that you are growing and heading in the right direction, as long as you are taking action. It is a complete reframe of negative emotions into positive ones, which states that imposter syndrome is actually a sign that you are growing and becoming a better person.
Work on Weaknesses, but Don’t Forget Your Strength
I once heard that the fastest way to feel stupid is to do something new, like learning to play the piano or dancing the tango. However, if I don’t know how to do these things, and I have never tried them, then they don’t define me as a human being, as there are a ton of things that I don’t know how to do, and I sleep perfectly fine despite that.
In other words, we all have strengths and weaknesses, and imposter syndrome can be seen as a weakness that we may experience regardless of how much we achieve, which, as many politicians discover, no one is above scrutiny. Even the best football player in the world will have a very hard time becoming the best basketball player, not to mention excelling in an area unrelated to sports, such as nuclear physics.
As such, we need to accept that we have weaknesses and continuously work on them, especially in our personal and romantic lives, while leveraging our strengths in our professional lives, as there it is important to put your best foot forward, such as avoiding placing an extrovert in an introverted job role, and vice versa.
Here, self-knowledge is important in realizing and maintaining a clear list of our strengths and weaknesses, and acting accordingly in terms of where our focus should be. We should always remember that our weaknesses do not define us, and in many areas of life, we can improve and turn our weaknesses into strengths, which is a complete 360-degree turnaround.
I mean, imagine wearing imposter syndrome like a t-shirt, showing the world that you have conquered your weaknesses, and that it no longer defines you, which can be achieved by implementing the strategies discussed in this blog post.
Working on Imposter Syndrome
Overall, we all have something to work on, these zones of discomfort we all have, which don’t define us or our happiness. This is part of being a human being, feeling like we are never complete, having uncomfortable feelings we have to learn to accept and live with.
Moreover, there are many people worse off than us. I say this from a personal point of view, as when I walk into any event, I have to remember that I made it there, I am there, and I’ve put in a lot of work to be there. So why should I be denied the honor of being there, to show off myself, and having people enjoy my company? After all, I have actually achieved a lot, I have many strengths and reasons why I am the best person to be there, as people will actually look at me with admiration and appreciation.
In this way, happiness is possible despite our personal situation, impostor syndrome, and other mental health problems. In fact, I try to address as many of them as possible in this blog, while I provide a complete formula for happiness in my book and my coaching programs. So, if happiness is your goal, get in touch with us today and make your life a great adventure worth telling in an epic novel.
Stay happy.
