Today, my cleaning lady gave me that resting “I hate you” face. She seemed unhappy with me, my requests, her job, and her life, due to her life choices (I assume). I mean, it’s understandable that at a certain age we want to have a certain quality of life, and being a cleaning lady usually doesn’t rank high on people’s list of desires.
Certainly, this analysis is not completely free of judgment, assumptions, and prejudice. After all, she might be very happy with her life, profession, and beyond what I think of her.
However, I got this distinct feeling that she saw me as her enemy because I was giving her extra work. Yes, she was being paid to do it, but it still required effort and energy, and it’s not the type of work that most people enjoy doing.
I mean, I do get this feeling from different people on a regular basis. For example, if they don’t like my political beliefs, how I walk, talk, dress up, etc. Sometimes, I have to do absolutely nothing and still be hated. Why? Because I’m a certain kind of person.
Sure, I’m not complaining because compared to many people, I still have a good life and life is hard for everyone.
However, do we need to see people as enemies? After all, I don’t really care about the opinions of most people, as their negativity is their own, so I choose not to let it affect me, so their hate becomes something that only affects their lives, not mine.
And while we can make someone else’s life worse off by giving them our hate, I wonder if it is worth it? After all, in order to affect someone else’s life, we create an aura of negativity in our own lives, which doesn’t suit us well, no matter how others may feel.
In line with happiness research, negative people are, on average, less creative, productive, healthy, social, and wealthy, and virtually all aspects of their lives are worse off because of that negativity. To demonstrate this, if you’re having a bad day, do you want to go out and do something productive? Or do you want to procrastinate, eat unhealthy, and do something that will make you feel happier, like retail therapy?
Therefore, the cure for seeing others as enemies is purely and simply forgiveness towards:
– Our parents
– Ourselves
– Everyone else
If we can learn to let go of negativity and forgive these groups of people, we automatically become better off as human beings. We no longer have to carry the weight of resentment wherever we go.
I guess, in line with the theme of this blog, we should stop seeing enemies in specific situations, such as work, home, and everywhere else. I mean, some people will disappoint us, make our lives worse, and give us negative emotions that we ideally don’t want to have. But they are doing their best in their lives, just as we are doing the same in ours. By default, they want to have good lives, and so do we. They may purposefully or unintentionally make others’ lives worse, but I’m sure we are never completely guilt-free in this department either.
Here, I anticipate that some individuals may argue that in certain professions, it is difficult to view the other person as anything other than an enemy. For example, in professions where individuals are engaged in literal battles or conflicts against specific groups or individuals, there may be a perception that seeing the other side as enemies is necessary. However, even in such scenarios, it is possible to approach our “enemies” with forgiveness. We can acknowledge that we are doing what we must do because we have to do so, while still striving to give our best effort to defeat that enemy. This perspective embodies that of a peaceful warrior, someone who is prepared to fight when and whom necessary, while maintaining their beliefs in peace.
Therefore, we should stop seeing others as enemies for our own benefit, not others. Regardless of what happens, we don’t have to carry that negativity that weighs us down and prevents us from living our best lives.
And this is another secret to living a happy life.
