“I Don’t Have a Reason to Be Unhappy,” But You Still Are

why am i unhappy

Today, many people believe that they have everything they need to be happy. Being born in an age of abundance and having life dealing them the right cards, they consider themselves lucky to have good friendships, family, a successful business, and much more than others. 

However, for some inexplicable reason, they still feel unhappy and don’t understand why this is the case, feeling guilty for feeling this way, often concluding that true and unconditional Optimal Happiness is just impossible for one reason or another.

For example, Gretchen Rubin stated in her book The Happiness Project that she has a family, a loving husband, a successful company, and many other reasons to be happy. Yet, despite these many riches that many people desire to have, she is still not as happy as she expected to be.

In this book, she embarks on a journey to find happiness, but by the end of the book, she admits that despite her efforts, she is still not where she ideally wants to be. She commits to continue seeking happiness, leaving her search for happiness as a big open question mark she started with at the beginning of her book.

Unfortunately, her inability to find happiness is a common theme in the modern world, with the vast majority of people from all walks of life continuing to suffer, being unable to find happiness, regardless of how much or little they have or do.

It just seems like if 8 billion people can’t find true and unconditional Optimal Happiness, then happiness must indeed be impossible, which actually sounds like one big bad joke, since above everything else in life we want to be happy, suggesting that happiness is the #1 goal in life (a topic explained better in a different article).

I hear similar sentiments from many of my successful and intelligent clients who have achieved a lot in their lives, yet they still acknowledge feeling unhappy, as if something is missing.

Fortunately, I have found my Optimal Happiness, and today I teach others how to do the same

I believe that generally speaking, the topic of happiness is very complex and counterintuitive. 

For example, the whole society today is built in a way that makes us believe that we have all the tools to become happy, while in reality, it just sends us in the wrong direction, making even the smartest of us question our intellect (at least regarding the topic of happiness) and making us checkmate ourselves, as often we just give up altogether on this search for happiness.

For example, many people believe that happiness resides in things like a house, career, family, and money, and if they have these elements, they should be happy. In this way, societal and marketing influences have made us believe that we need a certain lifestyle to be happy, which may not necessarily align with true happiness. 

As a result, many people find themselves searching for happiness in the wrong places and then are surprised when they realize that they are still unhappy despite everything they have achieved, while others believe that they are unhappy because they have achieved things that wouldn’t make them happy in the first place.

Additionally, living in this age of abundance, people often compare their success to others, always finding someone who appears to have more, whether it be youth, health, social status, wealth, skills, or any other dimension of life. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness, as it is impossible to be the best in every aspect of life, such as the best football player in the world will never be the best basketball player. In other words, it is virtually impossible to be the best in everything, and by looking for someone or something that we don’t have is the fastest and surest way to find unhappiness.

In other words, the age of abundance brought with it a lot of unhappiness, as it has shown people what they could be or have, leading them on an infinite rat race of trying to become someone they are not or have something they don’t possess, which significantly impacts their self-esteem.

However, despite this problem, the solution seems to be quite obvious, yet at the same time counterintuitive. It involves stopping the need and desire for more, instead becoming satisfied with what we already have and who we are, regardless of how much or little that may be.

By embracing this perspective, we can release an immense weight of expectation from our shoulders and experience instant happiness, an instant enlightenment indeed…

Here, it is important to remember that wanting nothing doesn’t mean that we don’t continue working towards making our lives better. Instead, we just don’t expect anything to happen, whether it is good or bad, removing the expectation, and therefore both positive and negative feelings associated with them.

Certainly, you may argue towards the idea that you still want to keep the positive feeling related to this expectation. However, if you do keep it, you maintain the whole feedback system in place, and therefore you will continue to be unhappy. Take it from one of the happiest people alive. This just doesn’t work.

Listen, happiness cannot be found in a brand new car, a promotion, or anything similar. After all, evolutionary psychology states that we are still biologically and psychologically hunters and gatherers, so since our ancestors didn’t need cars to be happy, you are not biologically and psychologically programmed to think so. You are just brainwashed by society and marketing to look for happiness in all the wrong places.

At this point, I want to offer you another happiness tip, which is to cultivate a balanced lifestyle, where you address all the requirements for happiness sufficiently, after which you will automatically become happy.

So what are these happiness requirements? Unfortunately, it took me a whole book on happiness to explain them, so I recommend buying it if you really want to be happy. Alternatively, you can take a fast lane to happiness and attend one of our happiness coaching sessions, which starts with a free 30-minute call that can be booked here.

Stay happy.

Picture of Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness

Roman Russo: Author of Optimal Happiness

Roman Russo wasn't always happy and struggled with his own negative emotions, anxieties, and depression, until one day he pledged to resolve this part of life, whatever it took. The journey took 6 years, but it was worth it. Today, Roman considers himself to be one of the happiest people alive, part of the 1% of the happiest elite, and he now teaches others a working and universal happiness formula to reach a similar goal. He offers his best advice on Optimal Happiness social media, newsletter, blog, and books, and teaches a complete and unconditional happiness formula in his online courses.

6 thoughts on ““I Don’t Have a Reason to Be Unhappy,” But You Still Are”

  1. It is so true, we have too much readily at our disposal, therefore, what we once had to work towards is no longer needed and we fail to get satisfaction from our efforts.
    Everything is at the tip of our fingers which makes me sad for the younger generations who are missing out on playing outside, walking to a friends house. I know some kiddos still do this, but with technology like it is and kiddos having cell phones, there’s no need to be face to face anymore.

    1. I couldn’t agree more, Dawna. People are lost in the pursuit of happiness, trying different solutions that ultimately do not make us happier. If these solutions were truly effective, some of us would already be unconditionally happy. And while this isn’t the case, we keep on looking for happiness in other places, such as at the wealthy individuals and assume they must be happy due to their high level of access. However, we keep on overlooking the fact that if our current level of access doesn’t bring happiness, a higher level is unlikely to do so either. In this way, our modern model for happiness is flawed, as we search in the wrong places, believing that happiness is impossible and it is a wrong goal. As you rightly mentioned, new technologies are part of the issue, but we can’t turn back in time either. The silver lining is that happiness is still possible, but we must reevaluate what truly contributes to the goal of happiness.

      1. I couldn’t agree more. We do need to reevaluate what truly contributes to our goals of happiness. I’m finding the simpler things are what bring me happiness. Staying home. Sitting on my bed with my windows open, breeze coming in and seeing the calmness of the water. God is good and he surrounds us with so many gifts within eyes view.

  2. I really hate being the wiser the contamination Americans are subhected to on a daily basis is mutating and denying them the abulity to conceieve because their government turned wmds into pesticides fertilzer pharmaceuticals cancer treatments botox come on what are you guys thinking is causing all these new diseases and fancy disorders im going to what myself into a happy mood when im mutated and stranded on the part of the planet where they belueve their govt wouldnt kill them right out in the open everyday. The nazis kept fairly out if public view the brainwashing here is phenomenal. Unbearable to watch this happen when my grandparents watched during nazi germany im watching you and everyone else think its anything but the govt harming us

    1. It’s a rather grim perspective on the world, but also quite accurate. However, thinking negative thoughts can attract more negativity into one’s life. Therefore, it’s important to actively create the life we want to live instead of passively waiting for a good life to simply happen. While this is easier said than done, many people give up before even trying, essentially ensuring a negative outcome.

      If you believe in spirituality, you may see the world as a reflection of our intentions and vibrations. Therefore, as long as people hold negative beliefs, the world will continue to reflect that negativity. It’s also worth considering that if we find ourselves on an unhappy path, it may be for a reason (such as karma, if you believe in that).

      Even if you don’t subscribe to these beliefs, negative thinking is often observed in others (like the Nazis), so it’s not enough to point fingers at others without reflecting on our own lives. Often, we have numerous options and reasons to be happy, but we deny ourselves permission to pursue a good life.

      Moreover, happiness can be seen almost as a competitive advantage, as happy individuals typically outperform their negative counterparts in various aspects of life. Therefore, it’s worthwhile to cultivate happiness for its own sake, as things often just fall into place once we do that.

  3. As long as Americans continue their selfish means of self soothing the horrors they have inflicted upon humanity for money and their feelings. The rest of the world watches as your government pays for buildings, racks and container storage for your burnt and mangled bodies from chemical, thermal, detonation and radiation burns. BARDA BIOWARFARE is already waiting for those who get that end of a taste of what they rot upon the planet themselves first hand up close and personal. You watch as your people starve and suffer. Everyone squeezing every last bit of money for your health and well being.

    The arrogance is enough to drive a person mad. All 50 states are contaminated 25,000 years your WMD’s just had to have them. They are everywhere the contamination is so bad you’re losing your minds.

    Mental health 15,000 deadly neurotoxins you breathe it,you eat it and you drink it.

    The pharms 14,000 recalls in a decade. Keep enjoying your wmds in capsule form. What do you think psychoactives are made from?

    169,000 healthy children were given high doses of antipsychotic just to watch them drop dead.

    I am weary of the arrogance and complete and utter stupidity. All of you are in a percarious position if my nazi grandparents were here they would tell you.

    The bombings America has done over the past 70 years. Their less then avg iq population sheep to the slaughter and i am forced to witness its heartwrenching. Why willful ignorance educate people about that.

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“The problem is that of optimization,” states Roman Russo, author of Optimal Happiness: The Fastest & Surest Way To Reach Your Happiest Potential. There is plenty of advice on how to be happier or less sad, but no one is speaking about how to become the happiest we can be. And this is the difference that makes all the difference. By not looking at our maximum potential for happiness, we fall short of achieving it. After all, we all have hundreds of ideas on how to be happier or less sad, but most people still feel like they are not living their best lives. As such, Optimal Happiness explores the question of how to be the happiest we can be, regardless of who we are, where we are from, and what our life circumstances are. It proposes a complete and unconditional formula for happiness and explains how you too can become happy today and forever, inviting you to join the 1% happiness elite and become one of the happiest people alive.

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