So you are on a first date and you are trying to figure out whether the person in front of you is right for you. What do you do? Obviously, you want to make it work, but you also don’t want to waste your time. Even worse, you don’t want to make any commitments to be with the wrong person, as down the line they can leave you with baggage in form of emotional trauma, property that needs to be divided, custody of children that needs to be agreed upon, and other headaches that could have been avoided with proper preparation.
With this in mind, we created a relationship CV, which in simple terms is a questionnaire composed of 10 questions that you want to know before you commit to the person in front of you.
Even better, in an ideal world, we would give this CV to each other before we even see each other on that date, almost as if we were on a job interview, applying for the most important job: a partner for life.
We composed this relationship CV after seeing the best practices of a loving relationship and what didn’t work, meaning, what were the mistakes that lead to a breakup. These questions are:
1. What is Your Happy Relationship Goal?
Why do you want to be in a relationship in the first place? Maybe you are afraid to be alone. Or perhaps you hate random hookups and prefer to have something more serious and stable. Perhaps you do want to sleep around.
You need to know the answer to this questions, as in ideal world only two serious people will make a decision to be together and this question will help sort out these serious people from the unwanted ones who are wasting their time.
2. How Much Money Do We Need to Be Happy?
Studies show that over half of all breakups are related to financial issues. This does not mean that you need to hoard all the money in the world, but, definitely, between the two people, you need to have a minimal financial safety (or more if you are planning to have children). Also, it is worth addressing how you both want to spend your money.
One person may want to save as much money for the future, while others prefer to live in the moment. Preferably, couples should be on the same page regarding this financial issue.
3. Do You Want to Get Married and Have Kids?
The second biggest reason why couples break up has to do with marriage and children. Often, people disagree on how many kids they want to have, how they will name their children, how or if they will get married.
Of course, almost no one asks these questions on the first date, but a day can come where this question may become essential, and people will find our that their partner might not be ideal for giving them what they want in life.
4. You Are Hot, But is There More to You?
What attracted your partner in the first place? Was it their looks, style, jokes, car, dog, or anything else? Maybe it was a combination of these factors. This is important as later, you may realize that these surface factors were too superficial, and you are looking for something deeper, such as humorous, personality, and positive energy in life. Make sure you know your partner’s reasons, too (and that they know yours).
5. Are You a Psycho?
“Please tell me if you are not a psycho” is a question we should all ask a person before dating them. Indeed, at the start of a relationship, we often focus on the positive characteristics of a person, closing our eyes on potential negatives. Still, after some time, these negative characteristics become more pervasive, potentially even leading to a breakup.
As such, more than just your superficial / surface characteristic of a person, it is important to know who the person is on a more in-depth psychological profile. This is precisely why I always state that we should know ourselves (and another person) if we want to be happy. Preferably, it’s best to build this psychological profile over time, as often, we don’t remember ever little way we tick in a moment notice.
6. Did You Ever Do A DNA Test?
Yes, you should do a DNA test and share it with your partner. Of course, he needs to do the same. Certainly, you want to know what allergies, family health history, and other potential physiological conditions you may be walking into.
People often joke this is not something that you need to know on a first date (or ever), but trust me, if you want to be serious with someone, you need to see it.
7. What’s Your Lifestyle?
I am a vegan, and while I don’t necessarily need to date another vegan, my dietary and otherwise lifestyle preferences may affect the type of person I want to date. For example, I may have certain religious views, I am clean, organized, minimalist, and want to have a dog.
These interests can be similar to my potential partner, but, luckily, we don’t have to be similar in every way. Still, the more commonalities we have, the easier it will be happy in the long-run.
8. Do You Have Any Ambition?
Dating in university can be fun because everyone is doing it, and because you never know who you will get. Right now, all students are similar, but later some people may become winners or losers. Who is who? Only time will tell. Of course, we can try to forecast this by looking at person ambitions, which, more often than not, will predict this person’s success in the future.
Similarly, you don’t have to be in the university to ask your partner this question, as later in life, a person can still have big ambitions or have already given up on life.
9. Can You Show Me Your CV?
In dating, men are often told not to try to impress a woman with his CV. And yet, eventually, we want to show our partner our CV. There may be information that can be surprising even for couples that spent many years together.
10. What’s Your Kink?
We are social creatures, governed by logic, but also have emotions and desires. As such, when we see a new person who we like, we don’t only think, “I wish I could marry this person,” but also, “I want to sleep with this person.” This is to say that before any relationship comes, the lust faze. We want to be intimate with another person, and often this means that we hope that another person will give us certain kinky favors.
Of course, some relationships are only a pretense to have access for these favors, as otherwise, a relationship will lead to a break up because one partner cannot satisfy the other. As such, make sure that you know what you both like before committing to anything too serious.
Summary of question for Happy Relationship
Often, relationships are not found, but they are built. Also, in life, the journey is often as important as the destination. Still, eventually, we want to address all of the above questions, just in case. I’d say that 95% of people never do it at any stage of their relationship, no matter how long they are together, and they are later surprised that something does not work out! Therefore, if you are in a relationship or eventually get into a one, you want to have a semi-serious conversation about all of the above topics. For sure, asking these questions can make an exciting dinner talk with pasta, wine, and roses.
