This blog post is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend about a topic that frequently arises in our lives, which affects our sense of well-being and happiness, and yet it is often considered taboo. So to keep this blog PG-13 and avoid being flagged as mature content, I will approach the subject with a certain discretion.
As such, we all have physiological and psychological needs that affect our well-being and, therefore, our happiness, especially when they remain unsatisfied for an extended period of time.
To this point, my personal journey has been one of nonconformity, often feeling that something was wrong with me, which led to depression at the age of 25. Fortunately, I have since resolved these issues, now I am one of the happiest people in the world, and my journey did not leave me with any serious kinks or concerns that would require discussion with a sexologist.
And yet, for a long time I didn’t know a lot about sexuality, as there are few ways to explore this topic legally, ethically, and without prejudice. Instead, it is often discussed privately behind closed doors, leading many people to put themselves in dangerous situations to satisfy their needs, which is why many consider going to a sexologist.
At the same time, I wonder if there is something fundamentally wrong with us and our sexuality, or if society distorts our behavior by not providing us with natural and easy ways for us to learn about ourselves and express our unique desires, considering many of our natural desires as taboo, while in reality we are living in concrete zoos.
However, it is also true that we live in a very repressive society that affects men and women differently, resulting in a social mess we consider “normal.” Meanwhile, we face a mental health epidemic, with many people regularly visiting psychologists and sexologists, suggesting that there is something profoundly wrong with how we live today.
And the “normal” and only socially acceptable way to express “love” is often portrayed as a fairy tale—a strictly monogamous, vanilla-style relationship, preferably after marriage, while anything outside this norm is generally not accepted or it is socially looked down upon.
At the same time, this fairy tale approach doesn’t seem to work, as billions of people have tried it, the most common breakup time is after 4 years, the divorce rate is 50%, cheating exists even in the best couples, and many couples that stay together admit having to make serious sacrifices or compromises to remain together, often saying that they are no longer together because of “love,” but because of family, security, and the familiarity that comes with being together.
This is not to say that I disagree with marriages, as saying so would be yet another taboo. However, what I am saying is that traditional marriages, as they are practiced today, aren’t very traditional if we consider the whole of human history and all the social problems we face in relationships and society as a whole. Instead, I’m trying to be realistic and see both sides of the coin, the same way I look at human sexuality, as both topics are deeply related to our happiness and the lack of it when things aren’t done right.
Additionally, we must address pornography as the elephant in the room. It is extremely accessible and distorts people’s views on life, creating unrealistic desires and expectations, often leading to stress, anxiety, and depression when reality does not match the mental images we create.
So it’s the madonna-whore argument all over again, with 50 shades of gray in the middle, with most people never getting to learn about themselves, which are supposed to be natural in terms of what constitutes a “normal” human experience, not the “social normal,” but “normal” as programmed into our psychology and biology.
So where does this leave us? In my view, we are all perfect and don’t really need to see psychologists and sexologists. Instead, today we all need to visit psychologists and sexologists regularly to discuss how society screwed up our minds and the resulting mess we call society today.
Ideally, the “normal” should involve being familiar with the different shades of gray, our personal preferences, having enough access to the forbidden fruit, and being able to sufficiently express our unique preferences in a healthy, ethical, and socially acceptable way.
It’s a lot to unpack, but unless you can achieve what I’ve described, you may need to visit a psychologist or sexologist.
And while all psychologists and life coaches specialize in different topics, I can’t say that sexuality is my primary focus. However, every good psychologist or life coach must understand a wide range of topics. Personally, I specialize in helping people reach their happiest potential, aka Optimal Happiness. That being said, I am open to discussing happiness and other less socially accepted topics (mostly behind closed doors).
So if you are interested in learning more about happiness or other topics, please continue reading this blog or book a free introductory call to discuss your goals.
Stay happy and curious!
