Last week, I went to see Joker: Folie à Deux. My expectations were high, as I had a good experience with the first Joker movie. I mean, Joker is a famous supervillain and notorious mastermind, so I wanted to see how he would rise to become the character he is portrayed as in the comics. So imagine my disappointment when this movie didn’t address how Joker became the archenemy of Batman and instead, I watched a musical, a bad one at that, with no real story, and, spoiler alert, he got killed in the end.
Simply put, my expectations didn’t meet reality, and I was crushed. I felt betrayed and made sure to let as many people as possible know that the latest blockbuster movie was a disappointment.
In this way, there are three situations that we can explore when it comes to our expectations:
1) When our expectations meet reality
2) When our expectations don’t meet reality
3) When our expectations exceed reality
In the first scenario, our expectations align with reality, so our well-being remains constant, and there is no change in how we feel.
In the second case scenario, we have an example of Joker: Folie à Deux, where we become deeply unhappy, disappointed, dissatisfied, upset, feel betrayed, and overall let down by the event towards which we had a higher expectation.
It is a form of trauma, which we need to address. Be that by talking about it (with a therapist, friend, or someone else), writing (in a happiness journal or online review), or just keeping that unresolved feeling for years, this negative experience affects how we feel in a negative way.
Lastly, in the third case scenario, we are positively surprised and this makes us happier, ecstatic, and thrilled, as we didn’t expect the end result to exceed our expectations, so it positively affects our feelings.
In a way, we ultimately want everything to be as it is in this last case scenario, where everything is going our way, and the world constantly exceeds our expectations. This represents an ultimate form of utopia, a state of perpetual happiness filled with enjoyment, celebrations, and positive outcomes.
However, this ideal is not completely realistic, and this is one reason why many people continue to feel unhappy living in the modern world, as their expectations are so high that, no matter how much better things become, they remain unhappy, depressed, and dissatisfied.
Oppositely, if you want the world to be in a certain way and it’s not, that’s when you become unhappy. This has everything to do with expectations, to which most people respond by trying to mold the world into a certain image. And while striving to create a perfect world for oneself is a noble goal, it is also very unrealistic, as there is almost no limit to how much we may want things to change.
This is something that rich people often discover at great cost and disappointment, as they waste a lot of time and energy chasing an elusive carrot. Ultimately, they realize that regardless of how much they achieve, it is never quite enough, which leads to the destruction of one’s health, sanity, and well-being.
Now, for some good news.
We can win, virtually immediately, by lowering our expectations across the board, becoming immediately satisfied with who we are and how much we got, regardless of how much or little this is, as more often than not, we already have more than enough to live a comfortable and happy life.
Additionally, we will never get stressed, depressed, and disappointed, and everything will feel like a positive surprise. For example, I never expect my coworkers to be able to do a great job with their tasks, even though it is precisely their job to do so. In turn, when they deliver their promised work, I feel great, because I never expected them to do anything of value in the first place.
In this way, I never expect the world to go my way, or even to exist around me, and I’m always positively surprised by life, which is an advanced buddhist technique, which removes expectation and disappointment, and virtually guarantees happiness.
Practically speaking, this logic made me stop being afraid of the world, as for the longest time ever, I walked around the world, being constantly afraid of this or that, while in turn these events virtually never happened. In turn, now, virtually nothing surprises me, such as being unexpectedly touched from behind. I’m never afraid, as even turning around the corner is a new experience for me, as I never expected anything to be around the corner in the first place.
Of course, I’m still a human being, and as with Joker: Folie à Deux I still sometimes set expectations and I’m not immune to a more extreme form of disappointment, which are statistical certainties, rather than bad foresights.
Naturally, some people will negatively question this form of living, whereby we are lowering our expectations so much towards everything that it may seem to them like they are giving up on life, becoming passive, depressed, and unproductive.
However, the opposite is true. We just stop overstressing and overthinking things, liberating more internal resources that we can dedicate to higher level functions, as well as we become overall happier, because we no longer are waiting for everything to go our way.
Indeed, we still need to set high goals and aim to achieve them. However, the difference that makes all the difference is that despite having these high goals and the discipline to achieve them, we are not expecting to achieve anything at all despite our attempts. In turn, we are constantly growing and progressing without the expectation that things will indeed get better, simply because we already have everything that we want, so everything extra is just a bonus.
This kind of thinking makes us feel like we are already enough, that we already have enough, and guarantees future stability by pushing us to improve. At the same time, it removes all the stress and disappointment because regardless of our success or failure, as we always win since we already have everything we need in the first place.
In this way, setting low expectations is a great technique for happiness, but it doesn’t address everything we need to know about how to be the happiest we can be today and forever. That’s why the rest of this blog, my books, and online coaching courses focus on how to achieve one’s happiest potential (also known as Optimal Happiness).
If you are looking for more happiness in your life, Optimal Happiness is here to help. Learn more about what we offer by exploring this website.
Stay happy!
7 thoughts on “Setting Expectations, Facing Reality, & Finding Happiness”
I found not make myself read the entire docu-pinion about Your expectations. Just My Opinion(JMO) but I believe you, like most people have a Preconceived “expectation” that Sequels are never as good as it’s original & you attempted to convince yourself & others that you thought the New Joker would be better. Since it’s not, could never be; your forcing yourself to think it was the carrot & complaining for hitting yourself with the stick.
You CAN NOT resolve any disliked topic but continuing to give it credence(or attention). This Only serves to perpetuate the “issue”. I believe it you’ll give This perspective an Honest review you’ll find it to be true. If not, enjoy your globally misguided perception. -JMO
Thank you for your reply. I agree with what you said, so I wanted to add that I have an interesting way to deal with hard situations, such as to do what I can, when I can do it. For example, imagine I need to write a blog post, which can be quite a challenging task. Sometimes we try to force ourselves to complete our tasks regardless of how we feel. However, there are times when I simply can’t do any writing because I’m tired, unmotivated, and my mind is elsewhere. So I ask myself: “Can you do it?” If the answer is “no,” then I ask myself, “What can you do instead?” I always work according to my inner resources, trying to start with the most important and urgent tasks. However, if for some reason I can’t do it, I try to do what I can, when I can do it, but always the first things first.
Strive for what you want, but don’t be attached to the outcome.
Perfectly said.
Life is a rebel. You want one thing from it, it gives you another. Sometimes though another can be better.
Good point, and therefore, we need to be prepared for the unexpected and even undesired events while striving to achieve our goals in life. In other words, as Bruce Lee said, we should be like water instead of like a rock. Water is dynamic and adaptable to the situations it encounters, whereas a rock can become easily stuck when confronted with change.
Nice